This week I had reminders on my timeline of events that were unfolding three years ago. The world was experiencing a new reality that we, in our lifetime, had never experienced. I remember thinking that, hopefully, after two weeks of isolation, the world would go back to ‘normal.’ However, that was not to be.
In the weeks following the initial shut-down of the world as I knew it, I remember taking time to record some of the things that were different. Things such as:
Milk was rationed to two jugs per household (in our home of 6, that equalled 2 days)
Toilet paper was in short supply (thankfully, because of allergies, we had an abundance of tissues to fall back on!)
We were encouraged to only go grocery shopping once every 2 weeks (not possible – see milk jug situation above)
Grocery shopping required about 6-8 hours for one store, as we were required to line-up, wearing masks, 6 feet apart, being only allowed to enter the store in small numbers at a time
Grocery aisles had one-way arrows; shopping required lots of steps as we navigated getting to specific items
We were allowed to be outside, but were encouraged to stay in our own neighbourhood only (on the plus side, my hubby and I discovered many fantastic trails in our area that we hadn’t realized were there prior to Covid)
When we did venture outside our own area, washrooms everywhere were closed! I remember driving to a park near the airport and realizing that, after a 45-minute drive there, and an hour walk, there was no washroom to be found anywhere!
Our local pharmacy was only open for limited hours each day. At one point, it was from 12 to 3 p.m.
As this reality extended to more and more weeks, with a great deal of uncertainty about it and when this would ever change, many found this excruciatingly difficult. I increasingly saw clients who were dealing with very high levels of anxiety and stress.
Those who had struggled with anxiety in pre-pandemic found the challenges of the pandemic challenging the skills they had developed to manage anxiety. Those who had not struggled with anxiety pre-pandemic often found themselves facing this challenge they had never encountered.
As counsellors, we felt like this was what we had been called for, this was our time to rise to the challenge and support the people we cared about in their quest for good mental health.
Here is the post I shared this week, three years ago:
I recently asked my Facebook world to share with me what thoughts get them through the tough times. Here are some of the answers I got:
“One foot in front of the other”
“I have a 100% success rate of surviving difficult things”
“If it’s a family situation, we refer to ourselves as Team Family to emphasize that we’re in it together & will come through supporting each other”
“This, too, shall pass”
“There’s a light at the end of the (this) tunnel”
“One day at a time”
“From the musical Avenue Q, ‘It’s only for now’”
“Where there’s a will, there’s a way”
“It won’t always feel like this”
"A few choice words"
So many people referred to family and friends who had given them some of these ways of coping with the difficulties that came in their path. Rarely in our lifetimes, has there been a time when everyone has needed ways of coping more than we did over these last several years. So how have we learned to cope? Here are some of my thoughts.
Validate reality
In so many of the thoughts shared in my Facebook world, the reality of the hardship was acknowledged. It doesn’t feel light right now, but there’s a light coming. This, too, shall pass indicates that something challenging is happening right now.
Denying the reality of the hardship doesn’t make it easier but rather ends up being a way we gaslight ourselves. The hard thing IS happening; it does feel overwhelming; it often feels unfair; it might feel like we have no control over it and can’t change it. Denying the reality doesn’t change any of it. Rather, denying the reality can hurt us and actually make the situation feel even more overwhelming as we expend unnecessary energy keeping the reality of it at bay.
Yet, there can be fear that comes with acknowledging how hard it is. For what if we start to feel some intense emotions in the process? Well, this leads us to my second thought…
Acknowledge the emotions
I sometimes hear comments like, “I’m scared that if I start crying, I’ll never stop.” So, I’ll ask some questions. Have you ever cried before? Cried intensely? Did it continue forever? The reality is that even though we fear that we’ll never be able to stop crying, we do stop. It may be a long cry; it may be short; nonetheless, we do stop at some point.
Emotions are just indicators that something is happening. If we can observe them rather than judge them, welcome them rather than push them away, acknowledge them rather than ignore them, we can often learn something about ourselves. We can learn what impacts us, what matters to us, what frustrates and angers us, what inspires us, and so much more.
So, in hard times especially, if we acknowledge the emotions, it often helps us to manage them in a health way. It can prepare us for the next step.
Draw attention to broader perspective
When we are amid an overwhelming situation, it can be easy to see things only from the hole we’re in. Imagine that you’ve fallen into a crevice. It would make sense to focus on what’s around you, to look down at your feet, to allow your eyes to explore the dark spaces around you. Yet, in doing so, there might begin to be a sense of panic, a feeling of being trapped, of feeling like breathing becomes more laboured.
Looking up and taking in the expansive sky above you, seeing the land around you, realizing that there is more than this current predicament in which you find yourself allows for breathing room, for a reminder that there is more than this hole in which you find yourself. It may not immediately change your circumstances, but it can give you hope that help may come, that you may not always be in this hole.
Certainly, there are moments in life where we can get out of the hole eventually, so keeping that broader perspective helps. However, what do we do with the situations where it feels like we have no ability to change things?
I love the story of Joni Erickson Tada, who as a young, active teenager dove into shallow water, not realizing how shallow it was, and broke her neck, causing a spinal injury that paralyzed her from the neck down. As an active 17-year-old, recently graduated and ready to head to college, this was devastating for her. When she shares her story, she talks about the depression and despair, and how she wished she could die.
Yet, as she mourned and grieved the things she had lost – the things she couldn’t change – she discovered things that she could do. She learned to paint with a paintbrush in her mouth. She has become an artist, an author, a disability advocate, and a speaker.
Joni’s story reminds us that we are not always able to change some elements of our situation, but we can focus on the ones that we can. Our new reality may be different than what we had anticipated. It can still be good.
Hold Hope For The Future
So, in everything, we need to hold hope for the future. In the midst of challenging times, the future can be hard to see or imagine. Yet, again, many of the things we say to ourselves remind us to hold hope. “There’s a light at the end of the tunnel.” “This is just for now.”
Sometimes in the midst of these difficult times, when we find it hard to hold hope for ourselves, we might have others who hold hope for us.
When our family was going through a particularly difficult and dark season where our burdens felt too heavy to carry and to hard to sustain, I remember a good friend telling me that she didn’t know when or how things would change and my burdens would ease, but she knew they would. She shared with me about a time when she was going through a particularly difficult season in life with large wave after large wave crashing into her reality. She had felt like she would drown – that she couldn’t continue – yet, even this stormy season had passed in time.
It reminds me of the Maya Angelou quote “Every storm runs out of rain.” During the storm, it seems never-ending, yet every storm does eventually run out of rain.
Celebrate!
When that day comes and we are once again experiencing sunnier weather, celebrate!
This week, my husband and I have been exploring the Washington, DC area. While some museums still have timed-admission, some of the museums are back to walk-in admission. It is a small thing, but I have been celebrating it!
In the same way, the intense season my family walked through with loss and challenge coming one after the other has also subsided.
I do believe those seasons have changed me, however. They have given me a greater compassion for the suffering of others, they have given me a strong sense of the importance of hope in the midst of darkness, and they allow me to celebrate with a depth of gratitude because I know that in a moment, things could look different than they do now. Yet I also know that no matter how dark and challenging the moments, I will come through on the other side.
So if you find yourself in a stormy season, care for yourself, allow others to offer you a hand of hope, and remember that “every storm runs out of rain.”
~ Haide
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